I hate this phrase, but I don't think that it has ever been more applicable than today. My grandparents had six friends round for supper. They started to roll on in in twos. The first couple didn't really make it clear whether they were going for a handshake or the whole kiss kiss thing which I despise, so I settled for the handshake which they clearly were not about to opt for. Damn. They told me that they had met me before and I pretended that I remembered them just to be polite. I had absolutely no idea who they were.
The second couple. One of which was my grandfather's cousin and the other, his girlfriend of three months that had had too much botox. It wasn't a good look. I had met the cousin before because, he being an estate agent had found our house for us two years ago. He came through the door and said "ahh yes, I remember you Charlotte, you must be Charlotte's younger sister". It took him about 30 seconds to put two and two together that our supposed shared parents would have been really stupid to call us both Charlotte and then it wasn't until 30 minutes later that I corrected him that Charlotte was in fact my mother. His girlfriend then presumed that I was my grandparents daughter. You can imagine the confusion on her face.
However, the best was saved till last. My introduction with the third couple was hilarious. She came in and my grandmother said to her "Kathy, I would love to introduce you to my granddaughter Harriet", we shook hands and whilst still holding my hand and seeming somewhat resistant to let go of it she looked at me up and down for a minute and then said said "ahh yes, I remember Caro (my grandmother) tried to set you up with my son". I had never met her before either. I didn't think it appropriate to mention that my grandmother had also tried to set me up with my own cousin only three months ago. She clearly isn't fussy but is desperate for me to be in a relationship. The amount of people that she has tried to set me up with or suggested is way up in double figures. When will I successfully knock into her head that I'm not the relationship type. I don't see the point in them.
So then came supper and the main topics of conversation were golf (surprise), young people (I'm about to drop dead with shock) and supermarkets. Everyone round the table plays golf and has a handicap. They are all very committed to it, well, that or the pint after it. Anyway I don't think I have been asked "so when are you getting back into the game? Great sport you know" so many times, nor have I been offered a glass of wine so many times. At this point I am thanking my calm nature and the caffeine pills that I rely on to keep me going throughout the day. Then it went onto how everyone should have a gap year because my generation are going to be working until we are at least 80 years old. Then it became a confession of who had been into Asda, this made me laugh. A lot. The topic of a Morrison's being built in a local town (Wallingford) also caused a stir with everyone saying how much it would ruin such a beautiful town and that "every Morrison's should just be bulldozed down because the yellow and green colour scheme is horrendous". I kid you not, someone said this and meant it. I have also never been called Hannah and Char so many times in the space of an hour. I should just change my name to Channah, because people that get my name wrong always seem to choose one of the two. Even people that have never don't even know if I have a mother, let alone her name, call me Charlotte.
Then came the end of the evening and the first couple came up to me to say goodbye and I was about to say "lovely to have met you and hopefully see you on the golf course again" but then I remembered that I had pretended the entire night to have met them so ended mid sentence with "ummmm yeah" and then promptly spilt my tea all over myself. Fantastic. Note to self: think before you speak, never socialise with grandparents friends and never talk about golf that much ever again.
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